Five day break ,still to be in the campus only

In every semster, apart from the long breaks we get after the completion of every semester, we get many short breaks  . The number of days differs, sometimes we get as long as 10 days. Sometimes just three to four days. The longest possible days could be, at the most, two weeks. So far we didn’t get beyond two weeks. Notwithstanding the number of days of break, who cares to be in the campus? Even if the break is for two days many look forward for a trip to some hotspots. For some they plan to go home. If I were in Bhutan I would have also loved to go home if my sweet home is nearby the college. But from here two to three days break is barely enough to make even half journey to home. Sadly, during most of the short breaks the only students left in the campus are we the Bhutanese students and few of other foreigners plus few other Indians whose home too are quite far away from the college. Otherwise always only the Bhutanese stuck in the campus only unless we get the months break.

Few of my friends here also hardly stay in the campus. They too go a long trip to different states whenever there is a reasonable break. But for me in the last for years, I did not even try a long trip. I love to visit different places. But what I hate is journey. I simply hate the long journey either by train or bus here. That pulls back my all long trips. But I never missed short trips. I made used of all my short breaks of last four years and I must have visited all most all hotspots in Hyderabad. I have been to the most favorite hotspots in Hyderabad like, Ramoji Flim City, Hussain Sagar where there is a Bhuddha statue surrounded  by lake, Charaminar, Nehru Zoological Park(zoo), and Nagarjuna Sagar(Bhuddhist center). Sometimes during short breaks I go for a movie if I’m free of submissions. The worst part here is our college is 30-35 kilometers away from city because of which some of our seniors did not bother to go to movie theatre in five years even once also. I think my part also I’m rotting in the Hyderabad itself for all five years without having been to any other places in India across Hyderabad.

This time we got five days, from tomorrow until Sunday which is the longest so far in this semester. All are already out of the campus. In addition to so cool atmosphere here because of raining lately every now and then, today campus was so serene and peace with almost all of the students outside. As always again we the Bhutanese students and few of others are only  the ones in the campus. Of 13 Bhutanese students here only five of us left. Others they went for the fest. I’m confident that I can sail through all five days without feeling much bore as long as I have my best friend Mr. Internet.

Changes in the class

Four years ago, as first years, everyone
Was, excited, eager, and longed to experience,
A new beginning of their life, the college life,
Everything in college, no matter whether
In an academic, or in non academic.

 Everyone would walk to class on time,

With all necessary requirements for class
Professors would talk more on subject and
Less on class discipline, less yelling of ‘shut up / silence’
 Students would listen more and ask more questions
Less chats and less walking in and out
In between the lecture, for they didn’t have
The full knowledge of Professors’ real
Nature, and also fear of scolding

 As years roll by, students move to the higher classes

By the time they reach to final year they know
Everything about professors, course, about University,
And so on. Some even get employed
Everybody gets fed up being in the college with
Endless exams and assignments
Everyone just wants to get ended soon
Everyone would walk to class late, some with novels
Some with newspapers, some with empty hands
Forget about the note book, even without a pen
Everybody keeps on bagging for free class
Professors,forced to talk more on discipline than on subject
Students, like more to chat than listen on subject

 No matter how bad may be the class environment

Professors are bond to do their duty
Students rate the professors’ performance
Find poor performance, repercussion followed
Professors evaluate the students performance
Find poor performance, no repercussions followed
Left to student solely, still building their education
But professors, building their career, poor
Performance, if ever rated by students, threat
To their development of career.

 As professors go on penalizing the students,

Giving absents, they go on with their lectures too.
No matter what happens, no matter how many listens
No matter even if there is a few who listens, they go on …..
Bhutanese students may not possess a great intellectual
Like Indian mates, but when it comes to discipline,
Never fail to impress the professors!!!!

Next week is never coming....

I know very well why I’ m here in the foreign land, miles and miles away from home land.  I’m here only for one purpose, to study.  But am'I always up to what am'I supposed to? Why am’I here? Sometimes I ask myself.

It’s been almost two months since I joined for this semester but what did I do in two months? Did I try doing something related to any of my assignments? I try to recollect but no I have not done yet anything in two months. By this time I’m supposed to complete at least one assignment, if not alteast I should be somewhere halfway. I see on my table many topics lying as is allotted. Nothing has done yet but I see due dates are approaching. I know I’ll feel like dying when I need to work on all assignments in tandem. Still then I’m so relax. My conscience still does not prick me to be on work.

I remember the days back in High School where I used to rush to do homework as soon as teacher assigned. After completing all homework only I used to relax. Even I used to work on during intervals and lunch breaks thinking that I may not complete it on time. One thing that prompted working on homework could have been because of fear of teachers. If we are found in the class without completing homework then we used to get sometimes slap. Sometimes terrible scolding. But in college it’s just topsy-turvy. I relax first and then go for working in the last minute. Even for exam I do not feel like studying until few days before. Back to High School i used to start studying at least one month before. Working beforehand never enters my mind. It may not be because of all these some dub college life as golden life.

Sometimes a day goes off simply doing nothing. Sometimes when afternoon nap takes away few hours of my day I just remorse that I should have not taken rather I should have done something instead. But next day after heavy lunch again it automatically comes. After dinner again feeling sleepy always. Sometimes social networking sites take away the whole day. So day goes off doing nothing fruitful. I kept on postponing to next week and when next week came again postponing to next week. But next week is never coming; it’s been two months now. High time to take long breathe and realize the purpose of being here in the foreign land, leaving behind my sweet home and my beautiful country ever......

About my identity in face book …

Sometimes I wonder. Had our forefathers had not started a culture of naming a person how it would have been possible to identify and know each other? By what, if not by name? We cannot be known and identified based on our complexions if ever there is no name for us.  There may be so many people with similar complexions and looks. If there is no name, how can I say I have a friend who is in white complexion with short height? How should I identify if I meet another friend of similar looks. Should I say I have another friend in white complexion with short height? How many times ‘another’ I should use if I go on meeting friends of similar looks. No, no, without names it is very difficult.

Hail to our ancestors for installing such a rich culture of naming a person, although the names which they assigned during those olden days were not as good as what we have today. During those days most of persons were named based on the names of objects, trees, places and so on, which we find it quite hilarious. And, most of their names are short unlike today. But thanks, at least they knew it the importance and installed such a rich culture.  If we check out our grandparents’ names we’ll realize how funny it is. I don’t know how far it is true to you folks but if I disclose my parents’ parents names I’m sure you guys would laugh. But I don’t want to disclose here and make you laugh. I feel most of the names what we have today like Sonam, karma, Dorji, etc, might have developed latter only. I don’t see any names which our forefathers used to bear, on today’s kids. Rather, today giving three names has become every parent’s preference. Even I feel naming the domestic animals for identification also as old as naming of human beings.

Getting down to the nitty- gritty, my identity in face book. Like every mankind as soon as I was born I was named. But in the social networking sites I’m not born with my real name. I create my own nick names there. So in social networking sites I’m always born with nick names. It’s not that I hate my real name or I want to do something mischievous hiding my real name under my nick name. I don’t know why, I always like to be in different nick names as if like my hobby. I don’t know who blessed my name. It was not from any of the great Lamas.  Some told me it was given by one of my uncles. Whoever may be the person, I simply love it the kind of name I am given for this life. If ever really mean it the meaning of my first name, immortal, and then everybody would have rushed to be called my first name, Chimi-immortal. Before, in Hi5 I used to be as immortal.

When I was in hi5 as immortal none of my friends questioned me about my nickname. But in face book as Time pass whenever I chatted with new friends for the first time , the first reply I would get would be why time pass? Many asked me, why time pass? Your nick is so funny, some said. For first few minutes I would be  debating on my nick. But I never failed to justify my stand. Face book is my time pass, I used to defend. This justification used to shut the debate absolutely.

When I signed up in the face book it suddenly came into my mind and I started my membership as Time pass then. With this nickname as my identity there and with my profile picture in long hair, I sent friend request to many of my old friends. Some did not even figure out that timepass was me. So, some of them even rejected my request. Some randomly accepted my friend request without knowing timepass was me. When I said ‘hi’, some of them replied, who are you? Even my old school mates did not figure out timepass was me. Subsequently I changed my nick to my real name and again sent the friend request. That was better all of them knew it. I think some of my friends might have seen another time pass after I changed my nick to real name, so they accused me of having two accounts. Don’t fool me? What a blow from some of my friends. I had tough time convincing them that I ‘have only one account and I’m no more ‘Time pass’.

After adding all of my friends ,again I changed my identity back to Time pass. This time it was better. Everybody knew it I’m time pass. But, recently I wished one of my class mates here on her birth day, after few days she commented, no chimi, don’t change your name…It seems she had tough time figuring out time pass.

I think my nickname cracked enough heads. It is enough now. Being in false name in the social networking sites seems not a good practice. I have learnt enough now. Other than disadvantages I did not have any benefits being in false name. I got to lift my bad habit as soon as my browser works…..

Oversleep nearly cost my first hour class attendance….

Yesterday the day was off. No classes. I had a tough time running here and there unable to end off the day very easily. I slept quite early thinking that I have class today. Otherwise if I don’t have class the next day I never sleep early. Sometimes I really become kind of an insomniac. One way or other, I’m always kept engaged after dinner. Sometimes on movie. Sometimes on other activities which holds my sleep as long as up to 2.am. Sometimes up to 3 a.m also.

I timed my alarm on my mobile at 8.am as usual and i slept. My class starts from 9.am. If I’m able to get up on time when alarm beeps then I get one hour for everything I need to do before the class begins, right from readying for the class, to taking the breakfast and walking to the class. One hour, I find it considerable time for everything I need to do before class begins, that’s how I have been up to all these days.

 I remember, this morning when I heard my alarm buzzing so loudly behind my ear I then and there stopped it. It was disturbing although I knew it I have class. I stopped it for I wanted to sleep little more about five minutes and get up. But my five minutes was  almost an hour. Because of those shit dreams I must have overslept. I was dreaming about something interesting which I’m not able to recall exactly what interesting thing I was dreaming. That interesting dream suddenly shook my sleep and I was made to wake up. I checked out the time. It was already 9.am. By then the class would have been already started. I rushed for everything then. I hastily brushed my teeth, washed my face, and dashed for the class then. Sadly I had to sacrifice my breakfast. Since I was late I wished first hour was not that adamant lecturer’s class who never lets inside once she got inside the class. Once she is inside the class she would seal the door for not entertaining the late comers. Sometimes when she is in good mood she may open it otherwise very rare.  

 Unfortunately it was her class. By the time I reached there the door was already sealed. A girl was standing in front of the class knocking the door. I smiled at her and asked, “isn’t she opening, No, I have been knocking about five times now, can you knock it, please, she replied requesting me to knock the door. But I was not moved rather I encouraged her. ‘Keep on knocking she will open’, I encouraged her. Again she knocked it but this time quite hardly. Yeah, knocking hardly made a difference. She slowly opened the door and said, who all are there, get in. . Two of us went inside then.The moment I stepped into the class, whole class started yelling at me, Chimi, for seeing me coming late for the first time. Normally I go to class on time. Even if I go late, at least not as late as I was today. Fortunatelyt today  my   oversleep  coincided with  her good mood.  I got attendance despite I was late. Henceforth,I’ll time many alarms!!!!!!!!!

The day that began a new beginning of my life.....

Ever since I started my schooling I saw many unfortunate students weeping so terribly and leaving, either amidst the class or the morning assembly sometimes, to home when they heard either their relative or parent was gone forever. Whenever such tragic incidents took place nobody, neither their relatives nor their friends were informing truly thinking that he/ she, whoever could be the victim of such death, would not be able to face it. I saw them simply saying, your father or mother at home is seriously sick and you need to go home immediately, only to break their heart when they reached home and saw either their father or mother lying dead. For some students, their parents would not inform even thinking that their studies would be disturbed unnecessarily.

Right from my primary schooling I prayed with others for either death of any of the relatives or parents of the students or teachers. I watched helplessly others mourning for either of their parents death. I saw some with one sided parent while some without both of their parents. I saw others consoling grief ridden hearts with all possible ways. I saw how sadly and sentimentally some students weeping when they heard such news. It was really touching and emotional. Sometimes looking to them in such a situation weeping like anything I could not control the real manhood in me. Seeing others crying, automatically tears rolled down on my face too. I knew it nothing would be as sad as the news of somebody’s death.

When I saw others living with such a tragic incident, though my heart never stood in peace contemplating about their grief and agony , but  I think I did not have thought that one day I would also turn to that ‘unfortunate student’. The day was not very far for me then. Whatever I had seen and watched helplessly on others over the long years had unfortunately come to me then. It was on 9^th August, 2004 when I was in tenth standard.

I woke up normal. I washed my face and went to morning study which used to be around one hour. The day was sunny, so bright. When I was in the class for morning study I could vaguely remember about an unusual dream I had on the previous night which struck my mind every now and then in the class amidst the morning study. I did not share to any of my friends. I did not give much heed to it as I was busy studying something. I tried concentrating on what I was doing. The morning study was over then after which we had to go for breakfast. We headed to kitchen for breakfast with our plates. We reached to kitchen and I was in queue to fetch the breakfast. There appeared one of my friends hesitantly. He walked to me and said, come with me’. I followed him where he took me to one of the cooks who was my relative only. The cook hesitantly murmured, your mother is seriously ill, you have to go home. Who told you?, I asked immediately. Some people came from village and they are at my house, take your breakfast faster and go with them, the cook replied. I was dumbfounded then. Forget about taking breakfast, I could not do anything for a moment. I rushed to hostel and made one of my mates to write application for me as I was not in a position to hold a pen even. As I went to warden’s residence I saw my class mates in groups seemingly whispering something amongst them. When they saw me they just dispersed and acted normal as if nothing happened.

When I saw them acting like that I knew it something was awry. I got permission from warden. How could I have believed that she died? It was not even a month since I left home after midterm break. I was still struggling to get rid of the grief of my maternal grandmas’ death three months ago. Only few days had been passed since the completion of her 49^th’day ritual.  How could I have expected again death in the same family? I knew it something was really awry as I thought that if my mother was really seriously ill they won’t call me to home. They would call me only to hospital after getting her to hospital which was just a few kilometers away from the School where I used to study.

After getting permission I directly rushed to the cook’s house to check out who were the ones who came from our village. But to my dismay there was one there. By the time I reached there they had already left for some other places. I did not know they came as errand. If I had met them I would have asked them clear cut information. Without knowing what exactly happened, with full of doubts, confusions, nervousness, grief, and tension, I started the 6 hours journey for home then.

As I went on and on towards home tracing through jungles, steep slopes and cliffs, many feelings walked into my mind. As a result naturally tears started shading from my eyes. I had to walk alone weeping. I could meet many people on the way whom I know them. I asked every people but none of them told me the truth. Some said when they met my mother on the other day she was fine. When they told me she was fine then one way I thought she would still alive. But my tears never stopped shading. On the way I came across snakes and even I came across couples fighting each other. I knew it that was bad omen.

When I was almost approaching to home I met a lady from my village. She directly told me the truth. She thought that I already knew it.  After knowing the truth I felt everything shattered like whole world has ended. I felt it was completely dark around me, could not see anything around me then. With shattered heart and dead agony, weeping awfully, finally I reached home. There I saw many people gathered at my home. My father and all my brothers and sisters were around mother’s corpse sobbing so terribly.

My little brother who was on breast feeding that time was on father’s lap not knowing what was going around.  My mother,36, was gone forever then, leaving six siblings traumatized who were although too young to face such a tragic death but the cruel fate never allowed as we wished. The fate is always ,not doubt, cruel to everyone, not only to me alone. It was then totally a new beginning of my life, a life without mother. Today, it’s been exactly 7 years since I lost her. Still then deep within my wound is still fresh as if  it happened yesterday. If ever I were to bless one wish then that would not be other than retrieving my mother’s life. ..May her soul be in eternal peace forever!!!!To be continued as ‘life without mother’.

For surprise test : Wishing you all brothers and sisters a very best of luck..

Save all others, when it comes to examinations I feel we are on the same track and will be ‘as is’ always. As long as our life goes examinations will never leave us, it will go on. Today I’m out of surprise exams but I don’t know how many other exams are in queue waiting for me until my doomsday. Had my surprise exam ended all my examinations in life that would have given me an enough reason to rejoice my pride, happiness, and freedom from exams. Otherwise just an end of surprise exam is too less for me to exhibit my happiness in front of you guys and say ‘I don’t have surprise exam, as if it ended all my exams in life, when you guys are toiling so hard.

When I recall the days the surprise exams tortured me and realizes that these days same hardship and challenges you guys are living with, I feel my head becoming heavy seeing you guys in this condition. When we are made  to  study all subjects in tandem just for one paper the  next day , I know how difficult it is. It really sucks. But I don’t know for what good rationale they introduced such an exam. When the Professor walked to the class seemingly with question papers but without it, instead with their laptops wrapped with a paper normally used for wrapping the question papers only to surprise us,  that was really irritating. When they kept the exam pending for many days, how torturing was it to study everyday only to find next day no exam. But at least this won’t happen to you guys. Your exams will get over in a week unlike our time.

What the hell we’ve tomorrow?, we used to cuss a lot . I guess you must be doing the same. There were times where I wished I had special goggles to read examination convener’s mind, which paper he was planning to give us the next day. We drew lots to decide which subject we were getting the next day. We went on for prediction. We listened to others saying that, tomorrow we have so and so subject. We also listened to others’ predication, but, sadly, none of these worked. The next day when we got the opposite subject, we had to write it, no option, because of which many times our marks landed in ones and twos. At the end of the day the victim is not ‘others’ but ‘we’ who has listened to others’ predictions. So, never listen to others. Always adhere to preparation of all subjects in tandem, no matter however hard it is. I know how hard it is, still then. That is the only possible way to crush this exam which I had been up to for all the surprise exams, doing justice to myself and if it still does not work, that is when I surrender to fate for consolation. The best part of this exam is that you’ll suffer only for the first paper. After the first paper, for the succeeding papers you do not need to study that much as you have already studied ‘all subjects in tandem’ for the first paper. By this time I’m sure you guys must be ready to face any subject. I see loads and loads of potential in you guys. You guys can do it.. ‘WISH YOU A VERY BEST OF LUCK’. May god be with you to help you sail through your exam successfully and confidently..

Ragging; is it the only way available for interaction with juniors?

This picture is lifted from google.

“Hey junior, go to the mess and get some food, get some water, take my key and get cigarettes from my room, act it, how do you shit and pie in the train, how do you take shower,….” goes on, the commands and demands from seniors to juniors. Except outside the University campus, within the campus it happens everywhere, in the mess, in the hostel, sometimes even in the crowd. Do they enjoy? Certainly yes, they enjoy it. I see them jeering, laughing and so on. They direct juniors to act all kinds of nasty and hilarious actions for their entertainment, time pass, pleasure, whatever. But deep within I don’t know how many of them realize they are doing  at the cost of juniors’ embarrassment and adversity submitting to them under their compulsion only for one reason because they are “first years”. When a first year boy is encircled with all senior boys, being a junior naturally he gets frightened and automatically becomes submissive to submit whatever he is directed to act. Thereby he is used like an object, don’t you think? His voice is cut off. He can’t utter a word against their direction.  Say, I don’t want to act, he is dead then. All seniors will abuse him and treat him so terribly.

At this time is a season for such menace when many new students join to college as first year students. That is the only greatest fear the new students must be having other than their excitements of being into the college for the first time. On other hand that must be the only entertainment the seniors are looking forward from the juniors other than their eagerness to see different faces of juniors. I don’t know whether raging is still prevailing in the colleges in Bhutan. When I was plus two many narrated how seniors rag juniors in Sherubtse College, Bhutan. I was fretted I would be ragged if I get to go Sherubtse College but fortunately I was escaped. Even if there is ragging in Bhutan I’m very much sure our Bhutanese seniors will not rag so gravely and ruthlessly like Indian seniors do to their juniors. Last year there were many cases reported in ‘The Times of India’ where a student hanged to death herself after she was made to dance without clothes. To that extent I have not seen in my college. But they let them act all kinds of actions. I should say we Bhutanese students here are so fortunate we never get ragged plus when I was in first year I was always protected by Bhutanese seniors. They would not have tolerated if ever they saw us ragging. So do I today if I see them ragging our Bhutanese Juniors. I don’t think we are here leaving our country to get ragged. Some of my friends told me they got ragged in first year and when they reach to second year they get chance to rag others which I hate the both. Neither getting ragged nor ragging others. I’m totally against it.

When my batch was in first year ragging was not an issue at all. The University did not care much, neither gave attention to it. As a result, except us the Bhutanese students, others in my batch must have got ragged a lot. They were in same hostel with seniors. Very often I used to pass by my batch mates in the middle of seniors. Sometimes even in the class in front of the crowd during the break. But today the condition is far better. The University is very strict on ragging. The juniors are kept in separate hostel with a security guard. In the beginning of the academic year everywhere in the campus posters with, ‘no to ragging’, are seen pasted. The Anti Ragging Act is already in place, in pursuance of which University has regulation in place for combating the so called ragging. All seniors student are made to sign the undertaking ‘no to ragging ‘subject to the condition that if they breach the undertaking then liable for both administrative action as well as criminal action. But who cares? Side by side, one way or other juniors are always subject to ragging, but at very minimal level. Despite all these mechanisms in place, ragging here is still not debarred absolutely as I can still see these days some juniors in the middle of seniors, but yes, at least it’s been controlled to greater extent. However, the best part I see in my Indian mates as far as my University is concerned is that after ragging they become friends no matter however they were ragged. I know if ever our Bhutanese are ragged like that in Bhutan,  forget about becoming friends, rather  that would become their lifelong grudge against the senior who ragged them. But here it seems they accept it  as a mode of interaction and a part and parcel of their college life which actually happens very often only for the first few months.

Being simply a senior we do not become different humanity, after all still human being. I don’t see any herald that a senior will be left as a senior and a junior will be left as a junior through out their life. Other than our fate nobody is capable of seeing where we’ll land in future. It‘s not guaranteed a senior will always be a boss no matter where ever they go. When they just reported to the college, struggling to get adapted with the place and rid of their nostalgic heart being away from home for the first time, most of them, what will be their situation if the seniors welcome them with ragging? That’s where I ask don’t we have a better way of interaction with them? Instead of ragging at this time I think they need so many other comforts and helping hands. When we were briefed on ‘no to ragging’ by our Vice Chancellor he said that in Western Countries in some Universities the seniors instead of ragging they help juniors when they join to the college for the first time ever. I think he was right, in the beginning instead of ragging they need a help.  As a senior, yes, they deserve respect but that should not be demanded rather respect should be earned. I see them greeting to seniors, Bhai ya HI, whenever they meet seniors. If there is any reason that the juniors prompted the seniors anger, still I don’t see a reason to let them act all kinds of actions. They need correction but in a better way, a reasonable one, keeping in the mind that after all they are also human being. No human being is born as a means for others' ends rather, as some jurists said; all human beings are born as an end in itself not as a means for something. There is always  a better way of interaction with juniors to make them familiar with the surroundings, but not through ragging. I suppose it should happen so friendly like the tour guides explaining about the campus and surroundings to the tourists.  

An occasional dream that I always wish it’s a real…

I’m sure everybody has tendency of dreaming in slumber which is one of the inherent instincts of every human being. The subject on which we usually dream may differ from person to person and time to time. The dream is a window through which we get to experience and see so many unrealistic things, an illusion only to leave you the next day when you are woken by warmness of morning sun kissing through your window or piercing and inhumanly blaring of your alarm buzz, so disappointed with sheer desperation and grief. Sometimes, yes, we recall our previous night’s dream which turns to source of next day’s happiness. But that is not always. There are times where your dream makes you sick and injure your heart.

For some people the ‘dream is a dream’. They don’t care however and whatever they dream, no matter whether it’s good or bad. Unconsciously, they just let it go off .But there are people to whom the ‘dream is not a dream’. To them the dream is something more than a dream. They get distracted and disturbed because of their dream. They invariably bother about their dream. They never let it go off unconsciously. They always live with, after their dream then. For me, sometimes I too live with, after whatever I dream but not always. Sometimes I don’t bother at all. I don’t know how far it is true back in High School I still remember one of the students gave speech on so called ‘dream’ where he said that whatever we dream after 3A.M that is our future destiny. We also generally believe that bad dream is a bad omen. That is really true. It happened to me. The night before I lost my mother I had a terrible dream that the valley which is just on the outskirts of our village was completely washed away by flood. Even I was washed away but somehow I could manage to escape through the debris after troubling a lot. The next day, I got two people from my village as errand to inform me that my mother has gone forever. Latter when I narrated this terrible dream to my grandpa he told me that if we see flood or blood in your dream that is a bad omen. There are many beliefs about the dream which I’m not very much aware of other than the ones I have experienced so far.

I dream a lot of, all kinds of dream which most of them rarely distracts and disturbs me. It comes and goes. I hardly bother or belief either, no matter good or bad. But, when it comes to one and only dream of my late mother which occasionally happens, that really pricks and injures me deeply and gravely. That’s when I wish a dream is a real. How happy I’m when I see her just with me, by my side talking with me with all her simplicity and kindness. But that’s just a dream that makes me so sick. Yes, it’s good to meet in dream at least, though may not be possible in person for ever but next day when I realize it’s just a dream it’s like adding salt to my ever fresh wound of grief which rejuvenates all our mother -son bond, our togetherness moments and lot more only to add pain in my heart and makes me more mournful which may not be good for her, which is why I wish I don’t dream such a dream. But occasionally I always get that dream.

Such an occasional dream really kills me and makes me sick wishing it’s a real. It’s been sometime without that dream but today morning again it came back. I don’t know why I always dream that in the morning and in the Bhutanese holy days especially on the 10^th day of our Bhutanese lunar calendar. May not have any significance but I got to trace that one day.

 I normally time my alarm at 8am. Somehow by unusual dream my sleep was disturbed around 6 .30am. It was too early for me to wake up as our class starts only at 9am. So I slept back. There I saw my mother so happy. She was very happy for the family trip to somewhere which I saw all of us were already into one car. I try to recall it but could not get it whole thing. The only I could recall is my mother’s smile face and her happiness after long years. But sadly I was woken by my alarm clock only to find it was just a dream. There I land up wishing it’s real. I’m praying I don’t dream about it. Deep within thinking about it, it really kills me.

When I was about to leave for class my friend walked into my room and said, wai today is first sermon of Lord Buddha. Until he told me I did not know that today was such a special day. Since it was almost time for class we  walked to class together and after class without forgetting I made a point to play prayers on my laptop. I don’t know how far it would help. I don’t have prayer book here otherwise I would have prayed. But I tried whatever little I have in my memory. Hope it helps to all sentient beings including my beloved late mother…..