An occasional dream that I always wish it’s a real…

I’m sure everybody has tendency of dreaming in slumber which is one of the inherent instincts of every human being. The subject on which we usually dream may differ from person to person and time to time. The dream is a window through which we get to experience and see so many unrealistic things, an illusion only to leave you the next day when you are woken by warmness of morning sun kissing through your window or piercing and inhumanly blaring of your alarm buzz, so disappointed with sheer desperation and grief. Sometimes, yes, we recall our previous night’s dream which turns to source of next day’s happiness. But that is not always. There are times where your dream makes you sick and injure your heart.

For some people the ‘dream is a dream’. They don’t care however and whatever they dream, no matter whether it’s good or bad. Unconsciously, they just let it go off .But there are people to whom the ‘dream is not a dream’. To them the dream is something more than a dream. They get distracted and disturbed because of their dream. They invariably bother about their dream. They never let it go off unconsciously. They always live with, after their dream then. For me, sometimes I too live with, after whatever I dream but not always. Sometimes I don’t bother at all. I don’t know how far it is true back in High School I still remember one of the students gave speech on so called ‘dream’ where he said that whatever we dream after 3A.M that is our future destiny. We also generally believe that bad dream is a bad omen. That is really true. It happened to me. The night before I lost my mother I had a terrible dream that the valley which is just on the outskirts of our village was completely washed away by flood. Even I was washed away but somehow I could manage to escape through the debris after troubling a lot. The next day, I got two people from my village as errand to inform me that my mother has gone forever. Latter when I narrated this terrible dream to my grandpa he told me that if we see flood or blood in your dream that is a bad omen. There are many beliefs about the dream which I’m not very much aware of other than the ones I have experienced so far.

I dream a lot of, all kinds of dream which most of them rarely distracts and disturbs me. It comes and goes. I hardly bother or belief either, no matter good or bad. But, when it comes to one and only dream of my late mother which occasionally happens, that really pricks and injures me deeply and gravely. That’s when I wish a dream is a real. How happy I’m when I see her just with me, by my side talking with me with all her simplicity and kindness. But that’s just a dream that makes me so sick. Yes, it’s good to meet in dream at least, though may not be possible in person for ever but next day when I realize it’s just a dream it’s like adding salt to my ever fresh wound of grief which rejuvenates all our mother -son bond, our togetherness moments and lot more only to add pain in my heart and makes me more mournful which may not be good for her, which is why I wish I don’t dream such a dream. But occasionally I always get that dream.

Such an occasional dream really kills me and makes me sick wishing it’s a real. It’s been sometime without that dream but today morning again it came back. I don’t know why I always dream that in the morning and in the Bhutanese holy days especially on the 10^th day of our Bhutanese lunar calendar. May not have any significance but I got to trace that one day.

 I normally time my alarm at 8am. Somehow by unusual dream my sleep was disturbed around 6 .30am. It was too early for me to wake up as our class starts only at 9am. So I slept back. There I saw my mother so happy. She was very happy for the family trip to somewhere which I saw all of us were already into one car. I try to recall it but could not get it whole thing. The only I could recall is my mother’s smile face and her happiness after long years. But sadly I was woken by my alarm clock only to find it was just a dream. There I land up wishing it’s real. I’m praying I don’t dream about it. Deep within thinking about it, it really kills me.

When I was about to leave for class my friend walked into my room and said, wai today is first sermon of Lord Buddha. Until he told me I did not know that today was such a special day. Since it was almost time for class we  walked to class together and after class without forgetting I made a point to play prayers on my laptop. I don’t know how far it would help. I don’t have prayer book here otherwise I would have prayed. But I tried whatever little I have in my memory. Hope it helps to all sentient beings including my beloved late mother…..