Tuesday, August 9, 2011 | By: CHIMI DORJI

The day that began a new beginning of my life.....

Ever since I started my schooling I saw many unfortunate students weeping so terribly and leaving, either amidst the class or the morning assembly sometimes, to home when they heard either their relative or parent was gone forever. Whenever such tragic incidents took place nobody, neither their relatives nor their friends were informing truly thinking that he/ she, whoever could be the victim of such death, would not be able to face it. I saw them simply saying, your father or mother at home is seriously sick and you need to go home immediately, only to break their heart when they reached home and saw either their father or mother lying dead. For some students, their parents would not inform even thinking that their studies would be disturbed unnecessarily.
Right from my primary schooling I prayed with others for either death of any of the relatives or parents of the students or teachers. I watched helplessly others mourning for either of their parents death. I saw some with one sided parent while some without both of their parents. I saw others consoling grief ridden hearts with all possible ways. I saw how sadly and sentimentally some students weeping when they heard such news. It was really touching and emotional. Sometimes looking to them in such a situation weeping like anything I could not control the real manhood in me. Seeing others crying, automatically tears rolled down on my face too. I knew it nothing would be as sad as the news of somebody’s death.
When I saw others living with such a tragic incident, though my heart never stood in peace contemplating about their grief and agony , but  I think I did not have thought that one day I would also turn to that ‘unfortunate student’. The day was not very far for me then. Whatever I had seen and watched helplessly on others over the long years had unfortunately come to me then. It was on 9th August, 2004 when I was in tenth standard.
I woke up normal. I washed my face and went to morning study which used to be around one hour. The day was sunny, so bright. When I was in the class for morning study I could vaguely remember about an unusual dream I had on the previous night which struck my mind every now and then in the class amidst the morning study. I did not share to any of my friends. I did not give much heed to it as I was busy studying something. I tried concentrating on what I was doing. The morning study was over then after which we had to go for breakfast. We headed to kitchen for breakfast with our plates. We reached to kitchen and I was in queue to fetch the breakfast. There appeared one of my friends hesitantly. He walked to me and said, come with me’. I followed him where he took me to one of the cooks who was my relative only. The cook hesitantly murmured, your mother is seriously ill, you have to go home. Who told you?, I asked immediately. Some people came from village and they are at my house, take your breakfast faster and go with them, the cook replied. I was dumbfounded then. Forget about taking breakfast, I could not do anything for a moment. I rushed to hostel and made one of my mates to write application for me as I was not in a position to hold a pen even. As I went to warden’s residence I saw my class mates in groups seemingly whispering something amongst them. When they saw me they just dispersed and acted normal as if nothing happened.
When I saw them acting like that I knew it something was awry. I got permission from warden. How could I have believed that she died? It was not even a month since I left home after midterm break. I was still struggling to get rid of the grief of my maternal grandmas’ death three months ago. Only few days had been passed since the completion of her 49th’day ritual.  How could I have expected again death in the same family? I knew it something was really awry as I thought that if my mother was really seriously ill they won’t call me to home. They would call me only to hospital after getting her to hospital which was just a few kilometers away from the School where I used to study.
After getting permission I directly rushed to the cook’s house to check out who were the ones who came from our village. But to my dismay there was one there. By the time I reached there they had already left for some other places. I did not know they came as errand. If I had met them I would have asked them clear cut information. Without knowing what exactly happened, with full of doubts, confusions, nervousness, grief, and tension, I started the 6 hours journey for home then.
As I went on and on towards home tracing through jungles, steep slopes and cliffs, many feelings walked into my mind. As a result naturally tears started shading from my eyes. I had to walk alone weeping. I could meet many people on the way whom I know them. I asked every people but none of them told me the truth. Some said when they met my mother on the other day she was fine. When they told me she was fine then one way I thought she would still alive. But my tears never stopped shading. On the way I came across snakes and even I came across couples fighting each other. I knew it that was bad omen.
When I was almost approaching to home I met a lady from my village. She directly told me the truth. She thought that I already knew it.  After knowing the truth I felt everything shattered like whole world has ended. I felt it was completely dark around me, could not see anything around me then. With shattered heart and dead agony, weeping awfully, finally I reached home. There I saw many people gathered at my home. My father and all my brothers and sisters were around mother’s corpse sobbing so terribly.
My little brother who was on breast feeding that time was on father’s lap not knowing what was going around.  My mother,36, was gone forever then, leaving six siblings traumatized who were although too young to face such a tragic death but the cruel fate never allowed as we wished. The fate is always ,not doubt, cruel to everyone, not only to me alone. It was then totally a new beginning of my life, a life without mother. Today, it’s been exactly 7 years since I lost her. Still then deep within my wound is still fresh as if  it happened yesterday. If ever I were to bless one wish then that would not be other than retrieving my mother’s life. ..May her soul be in eternal peace forever!!!!To be continued as ‘life without mother’.


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